I need some help guys. I feel so… Angry lately. Normally I’m very mellow headed, don’t let much get to me, and when I do I just push it away and don’t stress about it. But I’ve been so stressed lately. Almost bipolar, I’ll be seemingly fine, all day, and the slightest thing can send me into a downward spiral of self loathing and generally being pissed off at the world.
Now I’ve had depression issues in the past, I don’t think this is that. I’m not sad, I’m just… Furious. Fuming, constantly, it’s like there’s embers in my chest and the slightest gust of wind ignites the flames into a roaring inferno. I don’t have anybody to talk to, other than my girlfriend. She wants me to seek help, and she is very helpful and supportive. But I have no friends, frankly I barely have acquaintances outside of work. Which is fine. I’ve always been a lone wolf, happy in my seclusion, my self exhile from the world and all of its self centered inhabitants. Which is strange, I suppose, as I can be very social and talk to just about anybody. But then I have nobody to open up to. Nobody to talk to about my fears, my hopes and dreams.
This is turning into a pointless rant thread and I apologize for getting off topic. I’m just so, so angry, all the time, for no apparent reason other than the fact that my life is going nowhere. I might be building savings, but for what? To what ends? To move to a better apartment one day, or maybe a small house, and then what? To grow old and die, leaving no evidence of my very existence on the world? Is that all life is, a pointless uphill battle that leads to nothing?
Please, if anybody has any advice on how to calm my mind, it would be appreciated. I just want to be calm, and to put an end to my self torment. I want to be laid back like I once was, and to find some enjoyment in life. I need a major stress reliever.