The Compendium of faking sick


#1

Steps
1Begin in the bathroom the night before, or even at around 6:30 PM at earliest. Only show slight symptoms here. If you are planning on staying home the next day, tell your mom or dad that you don’t feel well the night before. But beware because some illnesses tend to go away overnight like a stomach ache so don’t always decide to fake the night before or you will end up going to school. You can also make fake vomit with dinner left overs, or old spaghetti, milk and cereal, mashed banana, chocolate milk and creamer for coffee (be creative) and then pour it on your floor (or on your bed if you want it to be more believable) and in the morning say that you don’t remember it, fake a headache, diarrhea , act apologetic to whoever has to clean it up. And if your parents offer you some painkillers or medicine, you shouldn’t take it (even if they are watching you, say you’re fine without it) because it can make you actually sick.

If you’ve been ill before with a virus or bug repeat those symptoms; it will seem less like you are faking. If you’ve been to see someone who had a cold or something replicate those symptoms so it seems as though you caught it from them.
When you have a cold or you are ill, your cheeks are red. Slap your cheeks or pinch them hard. Do this often when your parents are not looking. If you don’t do it often enough, the redness will go. If you suddenly do it long after you last did it, your parents will become suspicious because your cheeks will suddenly look red again.
Act slightly clumsy, as this will make you look ill or tired.
To fake a rash, scratch your chest lots until it’s bright red . Try to keep a circular pattern to make it look more realistic. Finally try and mingle the “rash” with something else like feeling sick or a headache. By doing this, you are giving your parent a false sense of security and therefore making your “illness” more realistic.
Don’t do something you want to. Your act will be a lot more believable if you miss something you really want to do, whether it’s leaving half of your favorite meal or canceling going out with friends. Your parents will believe you more if you sacrifice something you like to do as well as the thing you don’t like (school).
Stomach problems. Only eat bits and pieces of dinner; or don’t eat any. When your parent(s) ask what’s wrong, tell them that your stomach hurts. Make sure you hide snacks in your room so you can miss a meal so they think you are sick because you’re “not feeling well”. If you normally do your homework, get started on it, but put your head down periodically so that they see you’re not feeling well and it’s interfering with your work.
Sore throat. This only works if your parents are not the over-worrying kind. If you have over-protective parents that go running to the emergency room over a minor strep throat, do not attempt. The day before you plan to fake a sore throat, say that you’re feeling a bit scratchy in your throat, and clear your throat a lot. That night, at about 7:45 PM/8:00 PM, say that you feel tired, and that you have a headache.
Cold/flu. Breathe only through your mouth, as if your nose is stuffed. Then make sure you say a lot of “mmm’s” when you are near your parents. If you’re not in the same room as they, and they ask you something, hold your nose slightly when you talk. Wear many layers of clothing. This makes it look as though you are freezing, since sick people feel cold easily. Sneeze loudly, then sniffle in front of your parents. Do this also when they’re not in the same room but can overhear you from wherever they are. While they’re not looking, rub your forehead, face, and eyes (if you have parents who check your face for temperature) then approach them, saying you don’t feel so great. It’ll make your face red and warm or take a blow dryer and heat your face and say you’re feeling hot.

2 Don’t finish your homework. This works better if you have parents who care about your grades. By not finishing your homework, they’ll have another excuse to keep you from school. Alternatively, if you usually do your homework on time, continue to do it to make it look like you were intending to go to school, but half way though, complain about feeling ill.

3 Go to bed early. Don’t say anything or just say you’re feeling dizzy and need to lie down. When you’re around them, just walk out of the room and go to your bed. Don’t brush your teeth - they’ll probably wake you up to remind you. At that point, they’ll probably wonder what’s wrong, and you can tell them that you’re not feeling well. Describe your “symptoms” and appear impatient, maybe even cranky, and eager to go to bed. Don’t act too cranky as your parents will get angry and send you to school sick or not.

4 Droopy eyes. The night before make sure your eyes are as droopy and red as possible, rub them a little bit until they give that slightly bloodshot look, also a tip: If your parents put their hand on your arm and ask you how it feels say it feels cold NOT warm.

5 Prepare to have your temperature taken. If you do a good job, your parents will probably want to take your temperature, in which case you can say “I have to go to the bathroom”. Make sure you have a cup with you then turn on the sink and take some warm water and drink it and rinse it through your mouth, especially under your tongue. Also when you are in the bathroom be sure to flush the toilet before you turn on the sink, just so your parents don’t get too suspicious! Note: this only works if they check it under your tongue, obviously. If the thermometer is one that goes in your ear, try to get it before your temperature’s taken and hold it to something warm, like a radiator or a light bulb. And if your parents are the kind that just feel your forehead, frequently rub it rapidly when they’re not looking. If you can’t get hold of the thermometer, rub your ear or do something else to warm it up, but make sure it is below 110 degrees (40 Celsius) and higher than 99 degrees (37 Celsius) or your parents will know you’re faking it.


#2

I was lucky. If I didn’t want to go to school I would just tell my parents. As long as I didn’t abuse it they were cool with it.


#3

hahahahaha right? or get one of your buddies to sound like a parent


#4

when school starts to cost money out of your pocket and you get dropped for being absent “faking sick” seems like a lot less of an ideal idea


#5

lol well yea, the thread was made because of me and a few others having a convo in the FAQ thread