I’ve done so many things now that im looking…
For the dev who placed each carnivorous plant!
one of my favorite videos I have made
Waltz of The Drunken Goliath
I’ll start work on a hand drawn chibi Behemoth
Artwork I found while lurking here ^.^
I’ve built up a large hoard of images.
I have a problem -.-
Memes memes, theyre good for your heart, the more you read them the more you…nothing
And lastly, a bit of artwork EVERYONE needs to see ^.^
PS: These aren’t mine, I don’t have talent ;-;
This was a pretty amazing situation. These hunters ran me ragged and I got caught after evolving to stage 3 with around 1/2 health. That all changed with some good use of terrain and a killer Leap Smash.
Here is some stuff if you like something of it, feel free to use
5pictures if you like them
Monster idea ( kappa)
Question to devs+some pics you can use
GO MY CHILDREN, MAKE ME PROUD
ROFL! OMFG! I can’t breath! So funny! xD
Who flagged this? A mod, please undo the flag! People gotta watch that video!
:’( I didnt even embed it this time and it still got flagged…
That video is hilarious!
I hide 'round a tree.
A jump, a dash, I must flee
and eat some more meat.
They went right by me.
It’s clear, this place that I see.
I grow; hide no more.
I gather my strength.
Rush at them, 'cross the field’s length.
Flame breath; one meets Death.
They break my defense,
bullets pierce through to my flesh.
Pain. Retreat again.
The cocoon shrouds me.
I’m strong as I’ll ever be.
This time at my prime.
The battle ensues.
I become bloodied and bruised.
I fall, they stand tall.
They think they have won,
but the eggs hatched; here they come.
Your turn. Make them burn.
Ah I forgot. I am author of all the bullsh… I mean masterpieces I post here
@mortalbound get over here and link your OP poem with you, I can’t because I’m on a phone…
And it’s a Xperia X10 Mini, too.
Buckets Turret Tower of Destruction http://xboxclips.com/AggroDragon/756c7702-0ac7-40f2-89a9-adfeb1847806
I wrote a little poem,
It’s just for you and me,
And to follow the forum’s trend,
It’s called ‘Everyone’s OP’.
You see Maggie’s dog is hard to lose,
and Hank’s shield isn’t fair.
He’s not Assault, that’s not his job,
And the devs don’t seem to care!
Hyde’s fire goes a bit too far,
And Abe’s Nades last for far too long,
And Cabot’s range of ‘infinite’
Seems to be a little strong.
The kraken’s flying far too fast,
it makes it hard to hit,
The goliath tanks too well for me,
And wraith? That piece of ****.
Bucket’s head just can’t be beat,
Nor can Markov’s mines,
And Griffin’s permapoon gun,
Has many monsters in a bind.
And Parnell? Please, don’t start with me,
His rockets hit too fast,
Just how can I beat someone,
who can cut his health in half?!
Val and Caira can HEAL UP?
Not fair, devs, hear my call!
At least Lazarus can’t do that-
OH WAIT, HE REZZED THEM ALL.
The plants chomp me to bits,
The mammoth birds all zap me dead,
And the hell is wrong with crowbill sloths,
after four shots to the head?!
AND DON’T EVEN BRING UP OBSIDIAN GRUBS,
Those guys should be removed!
So should striders, Ebonstars, turrets, nomads,
They’re all throwing off my groove!
UGH, I guess it’s up to me,
to lead us on the path we need.
We ought to shut down the entire game,
because EVERYONE’S OP!
Evolve Is Not Going To Die
I hear it here, I see it there, I read it all the time,
The forums are all blazing, “Evolve is GOING TO DIE.”
Wait, did someone threaten it with public assassination?
Or indicate they’re going to facebook stalk into subjugation?
Did it get captured by rebels in a distant nation?
Or is it just hiding it’s face from some drunken humiliation?
I just don’t get it, explain to me, why you think it’s dying,
Because judging from how much fun it is, I’m pretty sure you’re lying.
Did it get a papercut, which later got infected?
Did it lose it’s mind when it’s audition tape got rejected?
Did it have an allergic reaction unexpected?
Or did it decide to kill itself when it’s forums it inspected?
Wait wait, hold on, I think I missed the obvious conundrum,
There’s a legion of fifteen people online saying it’s kind of dumb!
Did Angry Joe’s dispatching of the game hurt, for instance?
Or Yahtzee’s speech eliminate it’s level of confidence?
Or Jimquisitions final blow, that Evolve read it and then,
It said “THANK GOD FOR HIM” and then it lost all sense…
That’s strange, you see, I’m playing Evolve at this very moment,
So what’s with all the claims that say Evolve’s loss is imminent?
I think we might just have a case of a few overblown egos,
Or cheap bastards who just want to see the game’s price go low,
Well, they’re missing out, cause you know what you could do instead of crying?
You could hop ingame, and choose Kraken, and go around the forest flying.
Everyone’s OP II: The Rhymening
YES IT’S TIME, it’s here again,
The great continuation!
Mort has spent three weeks on end,
In lyrical elaboration!
And so, my kiddies, prepare yourselves,
For you’re about to see,
A REVISED LIST, of all the reasons,
That EVERYONE’S OP!
Let’s start with Hunters, if we could,
A handsome asian-looking fellow,
Who’s of the leader sort.
Cabot can shoot through walls and ground,
Through flesh and bone as well,
Combined with dust from up above,
He puts monsters through hell!
His sidekick, Bucket, yellow-clad,
In METAL thick as fists!
His turrets are too accurate,
And his launcher’s never missed!
Then there’s Hank, the bombardier,
It’s the reason why he’s picked,
A laser-cuttin, rootin tootin
Orbi-striking Stupid Hick!
I thought that there would be some relief,
When they unveiled Sunny,
But let’s face it, if I made fun of her OP’ness,
It would stop being so funny.
Moving on we’ve got the Docs,
And they make monsters cry,
I thought Medics just made you feel,
A little better while you died?
But no, Val’s reach is just insane,
And she’s got a gun to boot!
What surgeon has a sniper rifle,
With tranq shots she can shoot?!
Lazarus gave me quite a shock,
Another sniper? Christ!
And even if I kill his friends,
He just brings them back to life!
Caira sets my mind ablaze,
Not just cause she ignites,
But the fire gun will also heal,
And she’s fastest to the fight!
Now sure, I’d squash him like a bug,
But ‘Not so fast’ says slim!
He moves too quick, and bursts his friends,
So I can’t seem to hit him!
As if the Medics weren’t so bad,
We’ve still got the assault!
They’re big and mean and ugly too,
And OP to a fault!
Markov of course with mines and rifle,
And shielding galore,
I’d be okay with him, if he didn’t have
THE GUN OF THOR.
And I don’t mean to sound toxic,
But have you guys looked at Hyde?
Burn this, burn that, burn those things too,
With a little burning on the side!
Parnell was reasonable, oh wait,
I lied, he’s quite insane.
Whoever gave him Shotguns, Rockets,
And steroids was deranged!
And now we’ve got Mr. Torvald,
The walking Ragnarok!
The monsters out of range, but wait,
The mortar’s just been locked.
Assault was bad, but of all the hunters,
these last ones are the worst,
So here it comes, the Trapper rap!
(Warning: I’m gonna curse.)
FUCKING ABE, that damned cowboy,
With his shotgun and his stache!
And his stasis bombs, and tracking darts,
He fucking shot me in the ass!
Maggie, dammit, go away,
I’m sick of your harpoons!
It’s hard enough to move when,
DAISY, DAISY, REVEALED ME TO YOU!
Griffin’s not so bad, he’s cool,
he’s chill, but he’s a jerk.
I can’t eat near his damn toothpicks,
so it makes meals need extra work!
But from the mountains of Shear comes he,
The one that I can’t stand,
Let’s face it guys, say it with me.
Crow = Batman
His bat-o-rifle, bat-o-dome,
And if that wasn’t bat enough,
His bat-bat finds my bat-cave fast,
And makes the bat-tle tough.
Now hunters are bad, but what’s even worse,
Are the things they call Monsters.
And once you understand my reasons,
You’ll agree for sure.
Behemoth rolls, and spits out crap,
And his rock walls are no fun.
I wish I could tell him, as Hellboy said,
“Second date, no tongue!”
Goliath smashes, throws his rock,
And fires up his breath,
And once he’s charged through all your ranks,
There’s rarely anyone left.
The Wraith can port, and dissapear,
Leaving the decoy there,
Thank you folks, at least you agree,
She really isn’t fair.
And of course, there’s the Kraken,
The killer Calamari,
The skyborne, electric hentai-lookin thing,
Who never says he’s sorry.
The Mammoth Birds have electric shocks,
The Crowbill Sloths are loud,
The Venomhounds are too damn fast,
The Nomads look too proud.
The Reavers are never alone,
The Trapjaws much the same,
The Obsidian Grubs eat all the hunters,
While pretending to look lame.
The Dune Beetles are hard to kill,
The Megamouths are sneaky,
The Glaciopods poop too much,
The Cephalodons are freaky.
The Tyrants teeth are way too sharp,
And I can’t see the chomps.
And worst of all, the Striders
They’re just lagging up my comp.
The Batrays suck, Carrions too,
Don’t talk to me of Phantoms.
And I can’t get over how the Seekers,
Scream in tempeter tantrums.
I guess, when you get down to it,
The problem I hate most,
Is that I cannot get to them.
After all. I’m just The Host.
There. You got all my big poems.
…Well except for the personalized thank you message I sent to MacMan and Slab. That was pretty big too, but not sure if it quite fits here.