Not so serious but serious plea to TRS


Dear Turtle Rock.

I can play for 16 hours straight without affecting my performance.
I played every co-op and team oriented game there is to play out there, having thousands of hours of experience.
I have no life whatsoever other than gaming(by choice).
After playing the big alpha I literally,(I absolutely MEAN IT) want to cry because I won’t be able to play for the next 2 months at least.
If you heard about meth addiction then you should know what state I’m in.
I would do ANYTHING to play ASAP.
YOU CAN HAVE ME PLAYTESTING 7 days a week,for a minimum of 8 hours.
You can make a binding document that allows you to castrate me if I break any of your rules.

                                  THE SERIOUS PART

I know it’s not gonna happen,but the pain and grief I feel just because I can’t play this godlike revolution in cooperative games is absolutely real and I had to voice it out.

I will definitely look to form or find a competitive team,so you can expect to see me on the first championship,and when I’m being interviewed you can be certain that I will bring up this exact post.

                                  SERIOUS PART ENDS

Make your games greatest champion and legend greater by allowing him to TEST MORE.

                                   ONE MORE SERIOUS PART

(or at least tell me why I can’t post on the 2k forums,even though I registered and confirmed my account- I can’t submit bugs!!)


Right before I crush you in the final round :stuck_out_tongue:


Oh dang! Shots fired!


good thing I know where that elite tyrant perk is… :stuck_out_tongue:


Why not team up and work towards being tournament players? Perhaps once the game drops TRS could host tournament parties via livestream.


I will blame my team then(If I’m not team,captain of course) or “lags” and “mom came into my room”(what do you mean it’s impossible because she’s not with me on the tournament?) :wink: .

Or I will switch roles and monsterize you.
From the alpha experience at least, I can play all hunters and both monsters quite well,so bring it on!

If we don’t settle this,there might be civil unrest,so again,to all you TRSers out there- set up a game for us,so we can settle this…

On a side note- thanks for the love @SlabOMeat ,you made my fanboy level go DINGDINGDINGDINGDING.

Once again- consider my plea TRS. I will give you oral pleasure any time you want it if you just let me feel alive again- be it hunting or being hunted. (By “oral pleasure” I of course mean that I will call you and leave whispered sweet nothing on your voice mail,shame on you and your dirty mind!)


Oh,I hoped someone would offer to team up(like I said,I WANT to be a tournament player and I certainly will be),but if @PeirsPryce wants to try and crush me,I simply cannot not oblige him.

Speaking of teaming up,I have to start looking for, or form my own team.

Problem is, I can’t really test my team mates and see how we work together if we’re not able to play,so I guess I’ll have to do it when BETA arrives(I heard rumors it’s only for xbone,but I’m sure these are just filthy lies- I preordered on steam and will make terrorist threats if the BETA doesn’t come to PC)

OR maybe SOMEONE*(wink,wink,hint,hint.I begged already,but I can’t threaten with suicide as I won’t be able to play if I’m dead)* will give me the opportunity to play earlier,so I can polish my team-leading skills by struggling with people like the noobies at IGN :wink:


Pshh. there is no try involved :stuck_out_tongue:
Still I think I would team up with anyone who can pull their own weight in a legit match up :smile:
Did you happen to record any footage you could show us? I would love to start analyzing all of you weaknesses for the first tourny :wink:


Is it getting hot in here or is it just me? Lol.


Sadly I was only able to find another good player to team up with during the alpha and I played with two of his friends who just started,other than that it was hard to find a communicating team( I blame the game matching me with European players- sadly most of them refuse,are too shy or simply lack the language skills to communicate on a level that makes for good teamplay- the communicating players I found were of course American).

I have about half a terabyte of footage,so I really have to sort and edit it,meaning it will be ready sometime next week.

From what I can tell you my biggest weakness in those games was having faith that my team wasn’t a bunch of blind kittens. I rarely follow tracks, using precognition and hearing to find my prey and it makes another weakness- being away from the group. The amounts of times my heart jumped into my throat when I almost stepped on a carnivorous plant,or realized that I just landed on the edge of a Tyrant territory with no jetpack fuel…which is my biggest weakness for now,because I didn’t learn to properly manage my fuel.

Still,I don’t consider this actual play.In a competitive match I’d probably make 1(I believe Cabot could do it solo)-2 people pursuit/keep track of the monster while the others find a good place to set up a trap,then switch with the pursuers if they have any deployables and put pressure on the monster to lead it into the trap…but that is all monster,hunter,biome and map dependable really.

In conclusion - we can just talk for now,but be sure that if we get to play against each other, you will hate my guts.(cause even if you gutted me I’d be able to ghost my team to victory) :wink:


Hey, on the bright side, I was on PS4, so I get to hear about how good it is, and justify my pre order without having to go through withdrawal.


I know that feel man. I played the hell out of the Alpha and right now I’m super depressed that I won’t be able to play it again until February. I’ve already pre-ordered it and everything, but I just want to play more. Pretty please, Turtle Rock?


Yeah, is smack talk just the best :hearts:


Sounds exactly like the type of guy I want on my team.


Yesterday I stopped playing and went to sleep at 1PM GMT,I tried to get up at 5 PM to be able to play a few more times,but two days of non-stop playing made me sleep for 8 hours straight :frowning:
Without being able to play Evolve the world seems bleak and when I think about playing anything else I can’t get out of my head how much I want to play Evolve,so it leaves me here,reading every possible chunk of information on the forums and the net in general. I think I’ll spend the next few days making some basic hunting guides and highlighting all the little details that make me love this game so much. It will be a short distraction and each editing hour a pain,when I try to control the hunter/monster in my footage, but it’s better than listening to the fiery demon in my brain saying it won’t stop frying my synapses until I get a fix of Evolve.

I never knew you could fall in love with a game. I think my overall playtime through 27 years of life is about 1 year time of actual gameplay total(around 10k hours),and through all this time I have never had such strong feelings towards a game.

Left for Dead was the closest, but once my 7 friends(we were doing mostly versus friend matches) drifted away from the game I had to move on as well,so I never got to really get serious and put a ring on it.

Evolve is going to be big and I want to be one of the people who will contribute to it being even bigger,because I can already see that I won’t be able to feel happy in life if I don’t get to experience some fine, professional matches in it.

Turtle Rock Studios- Would you do me the honor of blessing my proposal to the gem of gaming known as Evolve-my only love,true and true?

The fact you made her so perfect shows that you are all remarkable people, so I need to be certain that you find me worthy of her.

Even if she refuses my advances,I hope she will still have me as a friend,so I can stay near her, protect her DLC’s, fight her haters, show her worth to skeptics and help her reach for the stars.

I love you Evolve. I love you. PLEASE MARRY ME!

Am I able to marry this game?

Yes,yes it is :slight_smile:

and that’s all you’ll ever have if you go against me :wink:

I just noticed that I spoke in the words of Bucket.
It’s already happening. AAAGH! THIS IS MADDENING!..and I DID IT AGAIN!DAMMIT!
OLD MAN FARTING AFTER MUCH CHEESE! I think I’m going insane…


That is all I need, my smack talk alone could defeat you!
Peirs out!


Played pretty much solid over the weekend 'til 4am each time. No. That’s not obsession at all. Nope.

Also, this dumb catcalling shite needs to stop. I’m half inclined to put my serious cap on and slapping all of you guys around to get a glimmer of modesty out of you, or in the hopes of at least; probably a lost cause on my part though. Geez. Hormonal outbreak ftl; it’s stinking around here lately. :confused:


Can’t tell if serious or not, but considering the title of the thread I assume the latter

you got me completely lost there.

That doesn’t really tell much,since you could have started playing at 2.

I only managed to play for 50 hours,because I got in late and had plans for the entire weekend(some of them I cancelled only to play), but I had to sleep some - I couldn’t enjoy the game when my reaction time slowed so hard that I noticed a team mate went down about 5 seconds after it happened. THIS is not obsession,it’s called heavy addiction.


The time remark was jovial and aimed at myself. It was not even a boast; just a demonstration of how I myself lost track of time because I liked the game so much. 2am? Nah, I’m not one for late starts. No point, as you said reaction times dip around bed time.

I suppose I latched on too eagerly because I’m tired of seeing the ‘imunbeatedzors’ and ‘come at me bro’ vibes recently; with little constructive input that I daren’t bother discerning between it being serious or not; :frowning: and hormones… well they tend to be the blame for being so chest-thumping prone.

…and hey, it’s 3am again. That could be a reason why I leap-frogged.