Let's fix Evolve for all the haters!


#1

Rather than complain about all the people who don’t like Evolve for mind-numbing reasons, let’s just fix up the game to pander to them! I’ll start us off with some ideas that should make them happy:

  • NO DLC EVER
  • In fact, maybe Evolve should cause you to LOSE DLC from other games you own.
  • Add a detailed crafting system
  • Add zombies to the game. All good games have zombies in them.
  • Fully customizable hair and outfits and ZOMG LOOK HOW CUTE I MADE CAIRA KAWAIIIIIIII
  • Make it compatible with not only PS3 and XBOX 360, but also Gamecube and Nintendo DS
  • Some really cool mounts once you hit level 40
  • Player housing
  • Dating sim mini-game
  • Optional 8-bit retro graphics mode
  • For the lonely guys out there, for a small fee, 2K will have a genuine, live female player join your hunter team
  • Get rid of the monsters and just have the hunters do a big arena deathmatch and everyone gets sniper rifles that can one-shot kill on a headshot.
  • Once you’ve mastered the game, you can still grind out rep points with the various factions for trivial bonuses.

I know I’ve probably missed some. Any more ideas?


#2

Yeah, no one wants that

glances side-to-side and quickly hides my plans for an evolve dating sim with a rideable Daisy mount and changeable player avatar*


#3

If you’re having too much fun the game will automatically crash.


#4

The sad fact is that I would spend so much time on that option if it were available. ;p

Of course, the real way to make the Haters like Evolve more is to make it easier to access, simple to pick up and play and know what you’re doing. Like, oh, say Destiny.

But to do that would mean stripping out all the strategy, tactics and awareness that gives the game it’s depth. It’s kind of a shame that the nature of the game means that some people are going to bounce off it without realising the depth it has, but it was always going to be a product that took some thinking to really appreciate.


#5

Time to play Call of Duty: EVOLVED. Imma get some monster kill streaks ftw!


#6

1080 no scope headshots

Top five kills of the week


#7

Not gonna lie a Daisy mount would be amazing though :stuck_out_tongue:


#8
  • Dating sim mini-game

YOU MEAN THIS ISN’T IN THE GAME?

0/10. :smirk:

But seriously. now that I think about it. that could be a hillarious easter egg.

“Do you consider yourself to have an electric personality?”

[kraken noises]


#9

Well, between the Wraith and the Kraken, there’s enough tentacles around for a, uh, ‘Dating’ sim… >.>


#10


#11

I would actually love a portable Evolve.

Things to add to the list:
Hats! Hats everywhere!
Wolf skin for Daisy, everyone knows wolves are the best at everything.
Captain Price skins for everyone! Including Monsters!


#12

You know what bothers me with Evolve? The game should not run 60fps in 1080p, it’s a waste of resources that could be used on other features!


#13

Careful, you’ll enrage the 60fps Mafia.


#14

Is it bad that I thought the same? :joy:

Though to be perfectly honest I’d enjoy a dating version of Evolve more than Sims 4


#15

THANK YOU! Man, this argument point drives me nuts. If you can get there without sacrificing anything, fine, but don’t push it just to do it. I’d rather have a hard locked 30fps and 900p than anything else, and the difference between 900p and 1080p … man, you have to see at 4k to allow something like that to really bother you, and guess what! We don’t! Film runs at 24fps because our eyes can barely discern movement after that, which is why The Hobbit looked weird at 60fps.


#16

Oh yes, it should also crash one in three matches, so its like a game slot machine. Oh wait…

We should also have useless achievements that allow you to put medals on your chest. But, we’ll make them all high resolution, so someone with a lot of medals will slow down the game, and we’ll go into matrix mode.


#17

And product placement!

LOTS AND LOTS OF PRODUCT PLACEMENT


#18

There’s already a dating sim for…people who want romantic situations for birds, why not monsters? They have feeling too :frowning:


#19

I want to see Goliath wearing McDonald’s stickers and holding an iphone every time he uses rock throw, He also needs to spit mountain dew instead of flames. And he shouldn’t be Goliath he should be a big game-stop logo instead.


#20

Cabot’s crew now sponsored by Mountain Dew™ and Doritos™.