I like the merry-go-round.
I like going to the park. It is fun. Me and my Mummy and Yang go after school. We play on the slides. It is fun. I like the slides, because they are fun. And I like Mummy and Yang too. They are my friends. And I like the park. It is fun.
But then we stop going.
I go to my room instead, because we got a big house. I like it. It is nice. And I got a kitty. I like it. It is nice. I call her Smell, and she is nice. I like her. I play with her, every day. I go out into the yard and hide in the bushes after school and she will come. It is nice. I like it.
But then she stops coming.
I ask Mummy where she went, but she looks sad and doesn’t say anything. I ask Daddy where she went, but he gets mad and I get scared. I don’t like it. It is sad. When I ask Yang where she went Yang laughs at me. She calls me a dumb baby.
So then I stop asking.
Grandpa comes to visit, so Mummy gives him my room. I don’t mind. I can sleep on the sofa but it will hurt Grandpa’s back. And I can look for Smell! I look everywhere. I search in all the bushes and all the rooms and in all the parks. But then Daddy finds me looking in his room and he gets angry and he yells at me and Yang hits me and takes my things.
So I stop looking.
One day I am helping my Mummy and Yang and they make me throw away the trash. And when I lift up the lid, I find Smell! She is dirty and smelly and she isn’t moving. When I take her inside and ask Mummy why she is sad Daddy screams at me and I get scared. He takes smell away and I can’t go with him. I wonder why Smell was so sad. I wonder why Daddy yelled. I wonder where Smell is now. But when I wonder it starts to hurt my chest and my tummy feels sick.
So I stop wondering.
It is a sad day today, because Daddy and Grandpa and Mummy went away. I do not know why they went away. And when I ask the grown ups when they will come back, they don’t answer. And I ask Yang, but she screams at me and hits me and the grown ups have to take her away. I worry about Mummy. I worry about Daddy. I worry about Grandpa. And I worry about Yang. But when I worry it makes me feel vomity and I try to stop worrying.
But I can’t stop worrying.
Yang also went away today. I’m alone now, but I’m not afraid. Because I know that she just went to get Mummy and Daddy and Grandpa. And they will all come back and rescue me from the grown ups who don’t like me and the kids who hit me and the thinking that makes me sick. I ask the grown ups who took them, and they say she went herself. I ask if I can go too, but they don’t let me. And I wait for them. I wait and I wait I wait and I wait I wait and I wait I wait and I wait I wait and I wait. But they don’t come back.
So I stop waiting.
The servers came online today. I play and I play and I play until my hands are tired. Then I went to bed. And then I do it again. It is fun. I like it. It reminds me of when everything was nice and I liked it. But it was a very long time ago, and it hurts my tummy, so I will just play. I play and I have fun .It is nice. I like it. Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. I am having lots of fun. I am having fun again. But the servers are going away today.
So I stop having fun.
All my nice things went away. The park went away and my room went away and Smell went away and Grandpa went away and Daddy went away and Mummy went away and Yang went away and Evolve went away. Everyone went away. Why did they go away, God? Are they with you now? God if they are with you, please make them happy because they are nice and I like them. Please make them have fun. But why can’t I come? Yang told me I wasn’t good enough. Is that true God? OK. I’ll just be down here and, and, and… care. I’ll care about everything so they don’t have to so they can have fun, OK God? Thank you for helping them have fun. I’ll care. So I care. I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care I care.
So I stop caring.
What does it matter anyway? Everything is gone anyway.
Why does everything I love go away?
There is nothing nice here. So I stay, and I live. I live and I live and I live, and though I’m slowly dying on the outside, I’m living in the inside. I live I live I live I live I live I live I live I live I live I live I live I live I live. But there’s no point on living. I’ll just die inside so I can rest. My outside can live if it wants to.
So I stop living.