(Joke) Evolve GO: An exciting new way to play Evolve, on your phone!


#1

With the recent popularity of Pokemon GO sweeping the nation, we here at Rurtle Tock Studios have decided that it’s time to join in the mobile gaming revolution with our latest and greatest game: Evolve GO.

With Evolve GO, you’ll be able to experience the luxurious and exciting life of a planet tamer under the employ of a vaguely-asian man, from wherever you please. Simply install the app, turn it on, and see the entire world change to the exact same world, but with overlays of rather terrifying monsters on it. Find monster tracks on your way to work, make the grocery store more exciting as you hide from a pack of rabid reavers, and even co-ordinate with team mates that are extremely far away from you, that won’t listen to your thoughts on the situation. It’s evolve-o-rific!

Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘But Rurtle Tock, this is clearly just a blatant rip-off of an idea that’s already being done fantastically by Pokemon!’ Well, nay-sayer of saying-nays, that’s where you’d be wrong! Because with Evolve GO comes new innovations not only in mobile gaming and AR apps, but also in player immersion and legally questionable functions for a phone!

With the Evolve GO app, you’ll be able to experience not only the visuals and audio of the world of Shear, but the sensations as well! Hit with a behemoth lava bomb, or goliaths deadly breath? Be immersed as your phone will heat up to seventeen-hundred degrees Fahrenheit rapidly transforming your dominant limb into a pile of ash! Immersion! Or maybe you’ve just been set upon by the dreaded Kraken? By overloading your phone, Rurtle Tock Studios promises to deliver you the experience of having several thousand volts of bio-electric energy being shunted through your internal organs!

And the fun doesn’t end there! Immersion features include realistic reactions to: Trap Plants, Reaver Attacks, Mammoth-Bird Shocks, Crowbill Sloth Maulings, Behemoth Rollovers, Web Snares, and Acidic Water Basins.

So join the game everyone is sure to be talking about! Evolve GO - Because it’s on a phone!

(I just… I’m sorry… But I’m also not.)


#2

I missed you.


#3

Your aim is gettin’ better.


#4

I, uh… I don’t get the reference…


#5

App of the year for sure,must have app on your phone :wink:


#6

#7

10/10, would download


#8

Honstly tho I would download it cause it kinda sounds awesome imgin people playing as monsters and hunters and like you could get attacked bye anyone at any moment as long as they have the app

idk what I am saying anymore I am tired lol


#9

I am laughing so much, and I don’t know why. I need help.


#10

I was kinda going for this approach to it.