If Markov could stack Arc Mines they would be called Arch Mines


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Your caps lock appears to be on, my dear sir.


Seriously though, that caps makes it look so.


Wait, I thought of more.

When a Reaver attacks a feeding monster, it’s called a pet peaver.

VAL 9000 is afraid she cannot let you do that.

When Behemoth decorates his mouth, his new ability is Tongue Fab.

When Torbald (OP) shaves his beard, he is called Morebald.

What does Crow do with the monster’s Hyde?

Sunny giving you trouble? Make the map weather “storms.”

Don’t use Val on snow maps. She Wolski the whole time.

When Lazarus picks up a saxophone, his name is Jazzarus.

Griffin screams periodically, it’s his job to discern bow sound spikes.

When looking for a place to settle down, desert the Nomad.

When a Dune Beetle hates winter, its called a June Beetle.

When Sunny carries a chicken, she is using her Jetpack Rooster.

If Kraken was in an M. Night Shamylan film, he’d star in Banshee Signs.

When Goliath kills a Tyrant with flame breath, he has baked a Pierant.

Abe’s deadliest enemy is John Wilkes.

NORDITA started a chip industry, briefly, with Norditos. They were quickly sued.

I can spit out these Hyde-splitters all day people.


I am not sure how to feel about this topic.


Oh no I woke up. What have I done.

Steamadons are only present on the PC version of Evolve.

Recently Steamadons were trying to charge money for changes to ice maps.

Ice maps belong to the Norditas!

Armadons are the distant cousins of Legadons.

An albino Carnivorous Plant would be called a Cauliflower.

Ty Rants about the wildlife. It will G Rapple anyone that comes near.

The Lazarus Device is really a Nintendo Power Glove from Laz"R"Us.

If the Monster has the Obsidian Grub buff it becomes best friends with Gobi.

Chasing a Monster too well has you literally on its tail.

Goliath plays pattycakes when he pounces a Hunter, and downs them with cooties.

Behemoth introduces himself as Amhemoth. He’s a stickler for grammar.

I am not sure why Tower needs so much Refueling.

Rendering Plant is one of the things the game engine does.

When a hunter picks up the Steamadon buff, it is really their bullets that get it.

Griffin’s third weapon slot was originally a car alarm, but it would go off if even a Glaciopod pooped near it.

Behemoth is getting tired of Goliath throwing his kids at Hunters. Says he should be throwing Hunters at his kids instead.

When Wraith Abducts someone and they yell, “Engaging the Wraith!” they live happily ever after.

Kraken insists he is a wizard and is tapping mountains to cast Lightning Strike.

The Kinetic Long Rifle is a vast improvement over the Potential Long Rifle.

Abe originally used the Standard Shotgun before they modified it.

Maggie’s Machine Gun and Griffin’s Sub Machine Gun often insult each other.

If the Medgun is so small and autotargets, why can’t Val dual-wield them?

When Parnell gets healed to 100% and says “Oh, yeah!” he can break through any wall.

Cabot turns his amplifier up to 11 when he needs it to do damage.

Dr. Leukhart had the foresight to build military bunkers inside the Aviary. Scientists.

Shear’s cleaning services hate Dust Tagging.

New Calico is where all of Old Calico’s hipsters went.

Why does Slim keep saying he’s Healing Fields? Are we running out of food?

Kill enough minions in Defend and you can buy a Longsword before the match ends.

The Monster gets hundreds of gold for destroying turrets in Defend but he is already full build.

When the support kills wildlife, other Hunters yell at him for taking exp.

Jimmy Parnell cannot be rustled.

Nuf said.

Steamadons have taken a relax quote to a literal level.

Parnell got sick of using a Defense Shotgun and a singlefire rocket launcher, so he exchanged them.

Goliath’s word of power has always been “Yol”.

Broken Hill Foundry was suicidal. Whoever let huge boxes of meat sitting around was asking for a monster attack.

When Torvald’s mortars only fire one rocket, they’re called lesstars.

King’s Fort is built over a huge cliff. Why not have a bunch of monsters just push the source off?

Obsidian Beetles can only be killed by Diamond bullets and attacks.

Sunny’s MiniNukes wouldn’t save anybody, due to the radiation it may emit aside from miniature nuclear explosions.

Bucket would be better if he could whack his sentry guns with a Wrench.

None of the monsters try to destroy the dropship itself.

Lazarus uses the Power Glove because " it’s so bad… "

If Slim uses a healing drone on a Maggie, is her name Maggot?

Markov hates playing Alien:Isolation. It is not like him to constantly have to Hyde.

Does Parnell hunt for England? No. He does it for himself.

Val + Salveron = Valveron - Ron = Valve. 3 LETTERS REMOVED, HALF LIFE 3 CONFURMED

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Ha. That one is good. xD

If we can’t get Orrion Terrorsaurs, this has to be the 5th monster!

Thanks @MidnightRoses, we needed this pinned! So amazing.

Check this thread out @Wompy :laughing:

You’ve transcended a level that only Galactoid has attained…

Good on you sir… Good on on you…

Holy crap this is clever…

I’m pretty sure that is a MTG joke…

That is absolutely a mtg joke.

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I always upvote Dune. ( The real Dune, not the hackwork being published now. )

Sunny actually likes her eggs scrambled.

Wraith’s favorite drinks are slurpies.

Behemoth is a huge fan of Rick Rolling people.

Jack 's favorite anime was Dragon Ball.

Lennox wanted to star in Pacific Rim but they wanted the movie to be longer.

Behemoth has always had anger issues. He’s a little hot headed.

Been a while since there’s been any jokes.


they wanted master chief to be in evolve, but they wanted the monsters to win some matches too.

I have to change my picture to a crowbro now. If someone were to photoshop that for me I would worship you for life.