So I’m still kind of a mediocre monster, and was trying to get a second match in before work. I was running low on time and bumped into 3 Bronze Destroyers and an unranked.
Cool, “They might be decent,” I thought, but as I didn’t have much time, I chose Behemoth with damage on Rendering Plant. Two lava, one fissure.
I was off to a slow start, but I passed by Damage Res and decided to have a quick snack. As I finished my four-piece meal, I caught sight of Jack’s sat spike off in the distance between me and the dropship spawn. “Okay, then, well, I’m off to visit the nomad and mammoth birds by the coast, before I get domed in kite city,”
I climbed over the building heading southwest and ate a few birds, now fully ready to evolve, Stage 1, full armor, and with damage res in my back pocket. I rounded the corner, climbed the rock bridge, and waited. Jack and Hank followed closely, hugged the corner at my elevation, and promptly received a face full of my lovely Behemoth roll(s). Jack ran backwards, using his repulsor gloves to slow me down, but I cornered him while Hank jumped up and over me. Poor Jack, down to almost no health, squeezed by, but not in time to avoid the next roll and fell, down but not out, to the canyon floor below. I puked a little lava on him, just to be sure and turned around.
It was at this point that I turned around to see Caira at very low health, because the nomad had joined the fight. Torvald had popped his shield and was at half health as well. “That’s a thing,I guess,” I thought idly as I turned around to make sure Hank didn’t manage to revive Jack. One roll and another lava bomb later, Hank was also DBNO. So I turned toward Caira, and smacked her around until, of her own volition, she jumped into the lava. Incap, the third.
And then Torvald was alone, on the acid shore, with a dune beetle, a nomad and a Behemoth. He took refuge on a small rock, just tall enough that my stubby little arms couldn’t reach him. Meanwhile, the dune beetle started chomping on my behind. “Fine, okay, I’m finally taking damage,” I mused while lazily meleeing in Torvald’s direction. He jumped off the rock and fell into the acid, at which point he was defenseless. I hopped in the tub with him and after a few more smacks, down he went.
Sadly, the match was three minutes and thirty seconds long. It probably took you longer to read this than it did for the match to end.
And why did I title this “I regret running Behemoth…?” Because there was no way that was a ton of fun for those poor hunters. I’ve been maining Goliath recently, because his balance makes him the most challenging, and the most fun, for me. I should have given that pub a match, and not a stomping.
I’m no great shakes as a monster, but I do try to make sure hunters who fight me have fun (another reason why I’m focusing on Goliath), but I failed this team. If you’re out there, I’m sorry, and I promise to run Goliath next time. And, to be clear, this isn’t some clarion call for a Behemoth nerf, or a claim that he’s OP. I just wanted to repent for Stage One-ing some poor pub instead giving them a good game, as all monsters should aim to do.