I made a story


It’s been awhile since I last talked about any type of story I’ve been doing. While taking a break from my big story project (which is about halfway done since I’m almost done with the story I’ll just need to have someone edit it) I wrote a short little story. It’s part of a bigger story but for now it’s technically it’s own short story. If you do read it I hope you enjoy!

Distress Call:

They want out

Ignore the plea

But they may shout

Leave them be

Then they will pout

Don’t let them free

They’re filling my head with doubt

Please don’t they’ll go on a killing spree

They’re out

I was a cold blooded killer. At least, I treat myself like one. I guess I should explain myself a little first. My name is Ozamar Irogin, and I am from planet W9-3. I am one of the natives to this planet, and we are able to read minds. When the Great King took over we were naturally placed as his kingdoms head counselors, no pun intended. They gave us the most grueling task of reforming the deviants, and law breakers. Of course compared to the other patients they were child’s play. You see, sometimes people don’t react too well when you go poking through their head to see their childhood trauma or whatever is bothering them. Most people do fine and may have a slight panic attack but that’s it. On the other hand you have some people who were deeply affected by it. This is mainly due to someones inexperience or if the person tries to forcefully push you out of their head if it be they’re hiding something or for another reason. We call these people brokers, and the best way I can describe them is that their minds are completely broken.

We have to keep these brokers inside of special padded rooms, otherwise they are a threat to society. What we’re told is that when a mind is broken these people go bezerk they will start screaming and throwing things around. Before any more damage is done they are tranquilized, and then taken to the ward with the other brokers. I can’t help but feel bad for the brokers since I think some can be fixed, but others are beyond repair. Most don’t even attempt to fix brokers because fixing a mind is a very big task. What’s even worse is that they experiment on brokers, and I am one of those people. I have experimented on children, adults, the elderly, all because I was told to do so. I never stopped to look at what I was doing even though these people had broken minds. We just sat there pumping them with a new drug for a virus that we wanted to cure. It was only recently that I was able to see exactly what I was doing.

They called me in to do an analysis, and to get a new patient. It was weird because I was only used as a psychiatrist if the company believed the patient to be completely broken. They explained that a new broker had come in and this one was labeled extremely dangerous so I’m not sure why she was perfectly fine. Like some of the other young children this one looked exactly the same as she did before her mind was broken. Not a single contortion, her head was on straight, she didn’t walk upside down on all fours, and she seemed perfectly normal. What was weirder is that her mind didn’t seem broken, and she spoke normally to me answering all my questions with ease. She didn’t snarl or hiss like the others, and I think the only mistake was that the only way to really qualify her mind as broken was that she saw colors differently. She was clearly wearing a white dress but when I asked her what color it was she said it was a crimson red. When I corrected her she looked down and said she remembered putting on her favorite red dress today. When I told her she might have some memory loss and she gave me an upset look.

After we were finished I led her to a room, and made sure she was comfortable. At least as comfortable as a girl in restraints could be. Even though I badly wanted to break the rules for this girl I couldn’t, but at least there wasn’t a rule on how many pillows I could give her. I made the steel table as comfortable as I possibly could, and when laying her down I apologized to her while explaining that the policy was to lock up even the most passive of brokers. She seemed to understand, and asked me when I’d be back to talk to her. I told her I’ll be back tomorrow for her first weekly checkup. She frowned at the word weekly, but seemed to understand that I had other patients to see. Before leaving I told her I didn’t think she belonged there, and that I was going to talk to the higher ups the next day about releasing her since she didn’t even seem broken. I could hear her say thank you as I closed the door, and fastened the five locks on the door.

The next day I went to unlock her door only to find it empty. I panicked since each employee is responsible for their patients, and if they go missing they have to pay the search fee personally. I had always hated that rule, but we did get paid a lot of money for this so I ran to my office and checked the security footage from last night to before I arrived. I saw that two men had entered the room and freed her. Before she could react they pushed her to the ground, put heavy restraints on her, and then led her out of the room. I was confused since she was just a girl, and yet they went through all this trouble to restrain her. Taking another look I quickly realized that they were experimenters like me however, unlike me they only performed experiments. I quickly ran into the testing lab to see they had already started their cruel experiments.

The girl was sitting with her back facing the glass whispering something. I stormed over there, and demanded as to why this hadn’t been cleared through me first. They shrugged and said the higher ups wanted to use her to test a new hearing drug that would supposedly increase your hearing range. I was red in the face as I felt betrayed by my own co-workers. I then stomped over to the door and typed in my code. As I started to turn the handle they yelled at me to stop while telling me that I was insane. One of them tried to retrain me, but I pushed them back and flung open the door. The air was putrid and foul and I yelled at them for not turning on the vents. The young girl stood up, turned around to face me, and asked if it was time for her weekly checkup. I smiled saying yes, and the experimenters looked at each other as I led her out of the room, and into the meeting room where we talked the day before. We had a pleasant conversation before I brought up the other patients telling her to be weary around them. She gave me a confused look, and told me they were just like normal people. She told me they were just like her and they wanted out, but I quickly changed the subject and we talked for about thirty more minutes before I took her back to her room and placed her in the restraints once again apologizing. I reassured her that I would have her out soon, and while I was closing the door she once again said that they want out.

At that point I knew exactly what I had to do. These people treated brokers like monsters, but I now knew the truth. They just want to be treated just like anyone else, and all they wanted was their freedom. I briskly walked over to the control panel and slid my access card into it. Once I did this an alarm went off as all the doors in the facility unlocked and opened up. I blinked a couple times before realizing what I had done, and as I ran over to a door and looked out into the main hall the brokers all around killing people. Their screams could be heard all throughout the building. One of the brokers noticed me, and I started to run before I was stopped dead in my tracks. The young girl stood there in a blood red dress with a happy smile. “I told you I was wearing my favorite dress” she stated. I could see her starting to change, and I could hear her bones snapping and breaking. Now what stood before me was a monster which I thought had just been a young girl. I realized that she had been deceiving me this whole time, and I let her take one step forward before I slid under her now contorted and split legs. I ran into my office, slammed the door shut, and then used my card to activate my office lockdown which barred the doors and windows. Hopefully this will keep me safe as I’m sending out the distress signal as a warning for everyone. Do not come here! The brokers will kill everyone, and everything on this planet leaving it empty. I can only hope I have enough time to make sure this distress beacon is activated, but I already hear scratching coming from the roof above me. I honestly don’t think I have much time left at this point.


Tagging for later when I can read it. :slight_smile: Look forward to it.

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That’s a nice short story, I would say. The fact that brokers have powers that they use to kill people, oddly reminds me of the ending of the movie Looper (Warning: spoiler) where the kid that is being hunted by the protagonist’s older self, unleash his telekinetic power from his great anger.

Edit: I forgot to say that it’s been since December that I haven’t continued my own fan-lore, it feels like it’s been long.

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Honestly I read it and I love it…it could carry a wider story arc or rest on its own. It makes me wonder about the brokers and also Ozamar’s powers and if maybe the girl/alien went into his mind and made him more complacent? I don’t know, it gives me a lot to think about and I really enjoy it. I had notions of what may happen or how and it left me questioning until the end.

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Thanks for the feedback! I’ll go ahead and let you know that right now it’s meant to be it’s own story but it’s also a side story where the characters might appear in my bigger project. It all depends on if I feel it fits right or not.

also sorry for the late response I’m at my grandparents and their internet acts like data so I’ve been trying to stay off it

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Trust me, I know those feels…