How's Life?


#102

That’s about every gay guy my age. I find it to be immaturity that causes this.

Then I feel that this outcome stems from delivery. The reason why I talked to my parents the way that I did was so they could understand. I wasn’t being rude or trying to upset them. I knew how they’d react if came out firey. I told them I was gay months before getting into a relationship with another guy, and when I told them I was dating someone I brought it up in regular conversation.

Isolating him is a way of his family trying to prevent anything publicly happening.


#103

That’s the right way to see it, because someone’s sexual orientation is actually not a big deal at all, it’s society that makes a big deal about it.

That’s because being gay doesn’t make you inhuman nor special, being gay just means that you are sexually attracted to people of the same sex, nothing more, you are still a human being who deserves kindness and respect.[quote=“JedeOff, post:100, topic:105441”]
I’m not the “gayest” guy you’ll meet.
[/quote]

I think in here you’re referring to the gay stereotype, it’s really important to differentiate between that and just being homosexual. Although, I’m not saying that there aren’t people who share some of the characteristics of that stereotype, but one of the biggest mistakes that people do is to pretend to know who you are as a person and your ideas because of your sexual preference, skin, appearance, etc.

But like Nia said, it’s sad to see situations like that in today’s day and age, I have met people who have told me that they have never told anyone that they’re gay just because they’re afraid of getting hurt because of that.


#104

It’s been a month already :confused:

This whole thing has been really rough for me… But @Shunty has helped me put things into perspective :heart: and I gotta say they probably didn’t find out the nicest way. They read all of our conversations and it probably didn’t go too well, so that must surely play a huge role in this whole mess.


#105

Don’t worry I am sure things will turn out good


#106

Exactly that… I don’t make a big deal out of my sexuality, but I do celebrate it in some way… College gave me the opportunity to be who I wanted to be, and it made me feel free. So I kinda joke around with my friends about on a pretty regular basis.

I don’t go around telling people “hey, I’m gay!” And all that, but my friends make me feel comfortable enough.


#107

I know that feeling, I can also say that college helped me free my mind. :slight_smile:

That’s good to hear, keep them close. :heart:


#108

Love this community, gotta say. Healthy discussion and supportiveness. Good to know we can be a sort of pseudo-fam here.


#109

I hate this word. So… Clinical.

But yeah, I think that’s a very important point to make. There are plenty of people I know who are very flamboyant and effeminate but happily married to a woman. And on the other side, there are gay people who aren’t at all effeminate. I actually had a number of people refuse to believe that I’m gay and call an attention whore because I’m “not camp enough”.

I really feel sorry for the people that actually think stereotypes are always true.


#110

Hmm. Can you expand on this?


#111

I hate tags, specifically, how most people use them, but I use them in discussions so people can understand what I’m talking about, I do understand your point though. :thumbsup:


#112

Young, immature, gay men are vastly flamboyant because they feel the need to be accepted and seen. They seek and crave attention, no matter what form.


#113

But surely they could do that without the femininity?


#114

Being flamboyant is not being feminine.


#115

That’s simply a stereotype. @Shunty already pointed that out.

Being flamboyant doesn’t mean being feminine. In some cases you can wear bright colors, or you can act like an asshole to gain attention. Depends on the circumstances. Beyond that, I’m glad things are smoothed out with ya Shunty, I think, from what I’m reading here you seem a bit better.

@JedeOff even if its been a month, you gotta let it cool off. Its best to just wait it out until they contact you or you move on. I get you enjoy spending time with him, but you pulling your hair out over it isn’t worth the stress if its bothering you that much. I know that’s a difficult proposition to take, but you can’t forcibly move other people to your point of view. You can only move yourself.

At the end of the day, if they aren’t willing to come to the table to discuss shit, there’s no discussion to be had. Even if your parents do the discussing for you, it kind of defeats the purpose of the convo. Don’t raise your voice, don’t fuck with anything, don’t threaten. It won’t get you anything you want. If they raise their voice or similar activity, walk, then, if you feel so inclined, try again at a later date. Handle it like an adult.


My brother recently moved to Louisiana with his “grilfriend” who’s 20 years his senior. I didn’t take it very well. Despite me saying the above, I eventually snapped and said a few choice words to both him and my fucking parents about this, mostly because my sister decided to mention some shit that really got under my skin that isn’t worth mentioning. It also didn’t help with the fact that I had to share a dinner table with this bitch and her fucking children; I was forced to sit across from them because there was nowhere else to sit. Don’t worry, this situation repaired itself after I cooled off. In case you didn’t realize by now, I’m a - mostly - mature, and a very, very, bitter and angry person. It took me years to get my temper under control - all without seeing a shrink - and it still fucks with my life from time to time.

Just take it from me, it’s best to take a logical point of view about it, and try to see it from the other person’s prospective. No matter how insane and asinine it may be to you. If you get worked up, walk away and cool off, and if they aren’t going to budge, period, then move on. They aren’t worth going bald over. There’s other people out there, and I understand you’re concerned about the guys’ well-being, but there’s nothing you can do, and if its a lost cause, move on, because its all you can do.


#116

That… makes a lot of sense, actually, as hard as it may be for me to admit.

Everything was starting to go so well… We had had some issues because I wasn’t really looking for a relationship, so I kept some kind of emotional distance most of the time, but I decided to actually accept him into my heart two days before he vanished… That’s what crushed me the most. The irony.

He was terrified to tell his parents, and not being able to help him is what’s stresses me out.

I had been reading up a bit on philosophy, stoicism specifically, and it’s pretty much about what you said, but I don’t wanna feel like I’m giving up; I don’t want to feel like I left him for dead. I don’t want him to feel like I didn’t care.


#117

@Shunty

I know. But @JedeOff was talking about [quote=“JedeOff, post:100, topic:105441”]
more girly gestures
[/quote]

And that is femininity. @Shunty then said [quote=“Shunty, post:112, topic:105441”]
Young, immature, gay men are vastly flamboyant
[/quote]

And I then asked if they could not do this without the “girly gestures”, because if they can then Shunty’s explanation didn’t actually explain anything.


#118

I think JedeOff was also talking about being flamboyant, but of course, by saying “more girly gestures” I think he refers to the idea/stereotype of how some girls act, just a comparison of two stereotypes.


#119

Yeah, he was defending his claim of not being girly. Whether we like it or not there is a stereotype that all gay men act like women. Of course, this is no more true than the stereotype that all black people are criminals. But JedeOff said “girly” not “flamboyant”.


#120

I was referring to his intentions, which I think it’s more important, nevertheless, I’ll let him elaborate his post. :thumbsup:


#121

Its a difficult position to be in, but while I would do the same - desperately try to reach out to said person - what do you hope to accomplish other than deepening the rift between his family, you, and him. As a result of all of this, you’ll be going even more bald.

That said, there’s nothing you can do. Even if you could speak to him, what then? It sounds like his family is a brick-fucking-wall at the moment. Stoicism is one way to deal with it, yes, but there’s other ways. I don’t know what those options are because I don’t have the full amount of information and I don’t want to know all of the details. Just take a step back, think about it logically. Have you exhausted all of your options? If the answer’s yes, think outside the box. There’s something you haven’t tried yet, I guarantee you.

That said, before you do anything more, you just need to let things cool off again. I’m assuming you re-inflamed the issue with these people pretty recently or you wouldn’t be acting so frantic about it. Give it another month or two, use a liaison/substitute to set up some sort of discussion with them so you don’t screw the pooch again. Set up a meeting, ideally he’d be there with you to convince these people of your PoV. Right now, there is nothing you can do, except let it cool off. I ain’t telling you to give up, far from it, look at it like a job: These things take time, and as anxious as you are to get back in touch and make sure everything is hunky dory, there’s nothing to be done at the moment, so wait it out.

The way I look at life is just to not give a shit about things outside of my control. Sure, I’ll agonize over them, but how does it affect me personally? Unless its on the level of “this is going to physically fuck with my life for years” level, I’ll let it go. I cut stress out wherever I can because its all I can do. The point of my little ramble here is to eliminate the source of the stress fucking with you. Some are more difficult than others.

I understand you want to take the high road, but sometimes your only option is to cut all ties and run. You’ll have to eventually accept that, its just a fact of life. If you think you can get through to them, all power to you. Just remember, its your choice in the end if you want to continue the path you’re on.