Note: This is going to be a slightly profanity-laced rant. I'm pissed. In more ways than one. It will also be pretty heavy emotionally. No, I'm not looking for advice, I just need to vent. You have been warned.
- Idiot brother dating someone 20 yrs his senior.
- Idiot brother getting married by the end of the year (was 2 years from now).
- I harbor a serious resentment against idiot brother for stupid decisions and I despise this woman for reasons I cannot fathom myself. There's just something about her that rubs me the wrong way - not personality or some other shit that's obvious.
- I have to go to this fucking wedding despite my obvious disdain for the woman or risk burning bridges with rest of family that I have to deal with on a daily basis.
- As a result of the above I have to deal with my demons about this before the end of the year or at least put on a mask. Chances are it'll be the latter.
Ooooohhhhhhkkkkkkaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy (yes, intentional)... so where the fuck to start...
The run-down of previous events:
So for those of you who don't know. My brother moved out a few months ago during the holidays to go chase the tail of his "girlfriend" who's 20 years older than he is. She has baggage in the form of kids from a previous marriage.
I had to attend his god damn "graduation" of a massage school during which this woman was present. I had to walk out of the room and outside of the building at least 4 times because I was so full of pent up rage. Not the kind of rage you get from frustration, but pure, blinding, emotional rage. The kind you get when someone cheats on you, the kind where you want to inflict some form of harm to the individual in question, be it physical or psychological. No I didn't act on those feelings, and frankly, I have enough discipline and self-control not to, but that doesn't mean I have enough self-control to not cause a scene.
This all happened during Christmas time, so I was more on edge than I was normally. Then I had to share a dinner table with this woman and her spawn (kids) along with my idiot brother. It was pretty clear from my body language I was not happy in any way shape or form to say the least, but I kept my anger in check and didn't make a scene again and left to spar later that night to let out some of my pent up anger, thank god. No scene, he left, and I wasn't going to say goodbye because I was afraid I'd make another scene (because fuck them with a stick too).
I dislike this woman thoroughly for some reason that I cannot fathom myself. I'll admit its likely prejudice of her, but there's just something about her I can't put my fucking finger on that I thoroughly despise. Its not her personality and what have you. I've only interacted with her once, and at a level that would barely be considered a good judge of character. To be fair, with my body language, you could tell I was unapproachable because it looked like I was going to go off on someone the moment they interacted with me.
Fast forward a month: I've somewhat come to terms with the bullshit. Come to find out he wants to marry this woman despite only knowing her for a fucking month in person. This by itself is insane. I've been there. Marriage is a serious commitment, and one I don't think he's ready for or that he fully grasps its implications. The wedding was going to be 2 years from now, which would mean I would have had enough time to come to terms with this shit.
Fast forward to now: Now he wants to get married by the end of the damned year. So either he's being pushy or she's being pushy or both. Either way, this tore open my old wound and I'm pissed. Again.
My sister and the rest of my family wants me to come to terms with what's happening as if they think its something I can get over in 8 months time. I don't think they have a good grasp of how much pent up anger I have about this. I realize I don't talk much about my problems 'cuz introvert and because I prefer dealing with my own problems in my own way without alcohol, drugs, or other people involved.
Chances are I'll put on a mask to put up with this until I get back home at the end of whatever time-frame I'm forced to attend this fucking wedding couple that with I'll likely be walking out several times again to try and cycle my anger down and furiously working out during my time there to at least let out some pent up frustration.
Its 8 months away and I'm already dreading this. I wish I could avoid the situation altogether but its not an option because of the rest of my fucking family wants me to go anyway because "familial obligations." Fuck familial obligations, this stress isn't worth it, but I'm sucking it up because my family specifically requested me to do so. It doesn't mean I have to like it.