YES IT’S TIME, it’s here again,
The great continuation!
Mort has spent three weeks on end,
In lyrical elaboration!
And so, my kiddies, prepare yourselves,
For you’re about to see,
A REVISED LIST, of all the reasons,
That EVERYONE’S OP!
Let’s start with Hunters, if we could,
A handsome asian-looking fellow,
Who’s of the leader sort.
Cabot can shoot through walls and ground,
Through flesh and bone as well,
Combined with dust from up above,
He puts monsters through hell!
His sidekick, Bucket, yellow-clad,
In METAL thick as fists!
His turrets are too accurate,
And his launcher’s never missed!
Then there’s Hank, the bombardier,
It’s the reason why he’s picked,
A laser-cuttin, rootin tootin
Orbi-striking Stupid Hick!
I thought that there would be some relief,
When they unveiled Sunny,
But let’s face it, if I made fun of her OP’ness,
It would stop being so funny.
Moving on we’ve got the Docs,
And they make monsters cry,
I thought Medics just made you feel,
A little better while you died?
But no, Val’s reach is just insane,
And she’s got a gun to boot!
What surgeon has a sniper rifle,
With tranq shots she can shoot?!
Lazarus gave me quite a shock,
Another sniper? Christ!
And even if I kill his friends,
He just brings them back to life!
Caira sets my mind ablaze,
Not just cause she ignites,
But the fire gun will also heal,
And she’s fastest to the fight!
Now sure, I’d squash him like a bug,
But ‘Not so fast’ says slim!
He moves too quick, and bursts his friends,
So I can’t seem to hit him!
As if the Medics weren’t so bad,
We’ve still got the assault!
They’re big and mean and ugly too,
And OP to a fault!
Markov of course with mines and rifle,
And shielding galore,
I’d be okay with him, if he didn’t have
THE GUN OF THOR.
And I don’t mean to sound toxic,
But have you guys looked at Hyde?
Burn this, burn that, burn those things too,
With a little burning on the side!
Parnell was reasonable, oh wait,
I lied, he’s quite insane.
Whoever gave him Shotguns, Rockets,
And steroids was deranged!
And now we’ve got Mr. Torvald,
The walking Ragnarok!
The monsters out of range, but wait,
The mortar’s just been locked.
Assault was bad, but of all the hunters,
these last ones are the worst,
So here it comes, the Trapper rap!
(Warning: I’m gonna curse.)
FUCKING ABE, that damned cowboy,
With his shotgun and his stache!
And his stasis bombs, and tracking darts,
He fucking shot me in the ass!
Maggie, dammit, go away,
I’m sick of your harpoons!
It’s hard enough to move when,
DAISY, DAISY, REVEALED ME TO YOU!
Griffin’s not so bad, he’s cool,
he’s chill, but he’s a jerk.
I can’t eat near his damn toothpicks,
so it makes meals need extra work!
But from the mountains of Shear comes he,
The one that I can’t stand,
Let’s face it guys, say it with me.
#Crow = Batman
His bat-o-rifle, bat-o-dome,
And if that wasn’t bat enough,
His bat-bat finds my bat-cave fast,
And makes the bat-tle tough.
Now hunters are bad, but what’s even worse,
Are the things they call Monsters.
And once you understand my reasons,
You’ll agree for sure.
Behemoth rolls, and spits out crap,
And his rock walls are no fun.
I wish I could tell him, as Hellboy said,
“Second date, no tongue!”
Goliath smashes, throws his rock,
And fires up his breath,
And once he’s charged through all your ranks,
There’s rarely anyone left.
The Wraith can port, and dissapear,
Leaving the decoy there,
Thank you folks, at least you agree,
She really isn’t fair.
And of course, there’s the Kraken,
The killer Calamari,
The skyborne, electric hentai-lookin thing,
Who never says he’s sorry.
The Mammoth Birds have electric shocks,
The Crowbill Sloths are loud,
The Venomhounds are too damn fast,
The Nomads look too proud.
The Reavers are never alone,
The Trapjaws much the same,
The Obsidian Grubs eat all the hunters,
While pretending to look lame.
The Dune Beetles are hard to kill,
The Megamouths are sneaky,
The Glaciopods poop too much,
The Cephalodons are freaky.
The Tyrants teeth are way too sharp,
And I can’t see the chomps.
And worst of all, the Striders
They’re just lagging up my comp.
The Batrays suck, Carrions too,
Don’t talk to me of Phantoms.
And I can’t get over how the Seekers,
Scream in tempeter tantrums.
I guess, when you get down to it,
The problem I hate most,
Is that I cannot get to them.
After all. I’m just