The cocoon is cracking open, revealing something new.
The general belief is that Evolve has reached Stage 2.
There’s progress bars in my downloads, with fourty minutes left.
And now my mind is writing what my mind’s known to write best.
It’s clear nobodoy else can do it, so it falls to me.
To present a rundown all in rhyme - Since everyone is Free.
The hunters, and the monsters, and the maps, hats, guns and teams
And the electro-cthulu-chicken-monsters- I forgot their name it seems.
I realize there are new members of the story now,
Jack and Lennox, Emet and Kala (Or as I call them; Gorgon Chow!)
I hear you say “But Mortalbound, you’ve never played these guys!
How can you keep us all assured your rhymes aren’t filled with lies?”
To those of you who say these words, I say "YEAH? WELL YOUR FACE."
Now shut up, let me write a song about HEROES FROM SPACE.
That’s clearly what the new hunters are, after all, they have to be.
And if I’m wrong I’ll change my song, since last I checked - IT’S FREE.
Fine, I hear you, very well, I’ll stick to what I know.
And I promise it will be a most unforgettable show!
Maggie has released the hounds, thus Daisy’s on the trail!
And that bearded guy, Hank has the stuff for when your shields fail!
Abe’s scanners up and running, and Hyde’s flamers heating up!
And Cabot’s got the plan to kick some slimy monster butt!
Bucket’s sure to have some tricks to down a flying squid,
And if not, we can call on Griffin to set up a trapping grid!
Markov, Parnell, front and center, guns at the ready!
When you see the Goliath’s stony gaze, it’s time - Weapons free!
Lazarus is still around, or at least that’s what I’m told.
There’s not a lot to say about medics, but if I may be so bold.
With the passives earned by Val and Caira, the heals may as well be
Just like Canadian healthcare - Yep, you guessed it, free.
I know I’m missing out on tier 4, the last team I played as,
So here’s to vikings, roaches, falconeers, and our favorite spaz.
Sunny’s got the bombs and boy oh boy they’re being blown,
And Torvald’s mortar mastery has undoubtedly grown,
While Crow and Gobi mop up the monster bits around the map,
We’ve got the buggy brainy Slim to watch the trappers back.
And so, I guess that you could say, we’ve got all that we need.
To say it once, to say it twice,
To say it in a voice that’s nice,
To say the truth that we’ve come to see-
EVERYONE IS STILL OP, GOD DAMMIT TURTLE ROCK.
…And everyone is free. <3