Dealing with Grief


#1

I don’t want to bum anyone out with the details, just looking for help/suggestions if anyone has any.

I usually use evolve to get out of my head, but I can’t live on Shear my whole life.


#2

You’ll need to deal with it eventually. If you put it off to the side it’ll just keep growing and growing and that’s not good for you physically or mentally.

I suggest talking to a parent/counselor/friend about it.


#3

Go on long walks at night with calm music that’s what I do personally


#4

I was hoping I could deal with it, but the longer I haven’t dealt with it, the more I realized this is true. Anxiety gets worse, random bawling fits that go as soon as they come w/o warning, all sorts of things.

Just moved 4k miles to go stay with my parents, who are helping me and my wife get set up with a counselor. And you guys are my friends!
I’m thankful that you confirmed that what I’m doing/will do is a good road to travel. Its hard (for me at least) to admit that everything’s not alright and get help, or even just recieve it. Only reason I’ve agreed to this stuff and am reaching out is so I can be a better husband.

Definitely going to give this a shot. Better than staring at the ceiling all night.


#5

It’s calm and quiet 2 essentials that will help problems and stress


#6

I know. Asking for help is like… admitting you’re weak, a failure. But there’s nothing wrong with getting help at all.

Admitting you need help is a very good step forward. I’m proud of you.


#7

Its funny how almost no one likes what’s good for them. In almost every context. Its like we aren’t actually programmed to survive, but to try to be comfortable. Proper diets, getting excercise, asking for help just to name a few.


#8

Music helps a lot. Make sure you are spending time with people too. I like taking drives.


#9

Go out by yourself into nature. Get yourself a tent, food and water for 3 days and explore. Does it seem scary? Of course it seems like that, but trust me it really isn’t scary. Nature is extremely calm if you respect her. It’s spring right now, so nature is extra beautiful.

I don’t know where you live, but google some camping spots and go out. It really is worth it even if you have to drive 200 kilometers.


#10

Grief is… It just sucks, man. Something we all have to deal with at one point or another in our lives. And everyone will find unique ways of dealing with it. In my opinion, the suggestions listed here aren’t going to help all that much if just to get you out of your head for a bit (which isn’t the worst thing in the world). Because you will need to find your own coping mechanisms. They likely won’t solve anything. I would definitely advise seeking some professional help if that’s something you’d be interested in. And once again, it’s not for everyone. But it couldn’t hurt to give it a shot.

I find that time helps. As sucky as that sounds. Time heals all wounds. And might simply be a matter of waiting it out. You’ll find yourself obsessing over details, “what could’ve been,” all that good stuff. And just one day you’ll catch yourself not thinking about it quite as much. And each day it’ll get a little easier and a little easier.

Having a support network can be helpful too. Spiritual (if that’s your thing), familial, social. But I will say don’t look to far to the future in situations like this. Try to think positively and just take it one day at a time.

P.S. Be happy to play some Evolve with you if that is the sort of distraction you’re after :monster: :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#11

Appreciate the advice. Every suggestion helps in one way or another. Whether it helps through practice, or just the support shown.

On a less serious note.

Sounds good. Last time we played was a blast. I usually won’t invite people if they are on a different game. Call it gaming courtesy lol.

God that does sound wonderful. Probably one of the things I miss most about living in Montana. We had 40 secluded acres up in the mountains, and I made a trail to the top of one. Best view I’ve ever beheld.


#12

This is a very noble reason to reach out for help IMO. It is the right thing to do my man!

If it wasn’t for my religious beliefs and friends that come along with that I would be a very negative/depressed person I think. This world and it’s problems really suck and it is my beliefs that keep me positive about it all since there is hope/something to look forward to.


#13

For me having my dogs helps immensely, they’re always there for me unconditionally and know what I’m feeling and are sympathetic. I’m not saying go out and get a dog, but that’s what has helped me in the past.


#14

Dogs are great aren’t they? There for ya through thick and thin We have a 3 year old named kitty.


#15

Approaching grief is still something hard for me after dealing with it for over a decade. Some days it’s easier, others not so much. It’s honestly just a matter of doing something productive and getting your minds thoughts out in a creative manner. Even just writing things down is helpful.

I know it isn’t the easiest thing to approach, but it’s something you’re making steps to confront and you’re already ahead of me for making that choice. So keep on moving forward, even if it’s at a snails pace, it’s forward.


#16

u have a dog named kitty??? that’s beautiful. love it.

good luck with the things you’re dealing with man. i can’t rly provide advice because personally i just cry a lot. like. a lot.


#17

You and I, we’re in the same boat. Hugs
@SQUARENecron, I hope you find something that helps! I eh… I still grieve over my uncle, he passed Jan 31 2012… I dunno. There’s so much behind it that I get so angry and upset over it… He eh, was a very close family member to me.

Anyways, enough of me bumming people out!


Have cats!


#18

Our Kitty Grr. Medicine for the soul right here.


#19

wtf she’s illegally adorable… cherish this creature… she looks super cute !! :blue_heart:


#20

Grief is hard to deal with, most common solutions are only to delay dealing with it - distractions, comforts, etc. Delaying dealing with grief can help give you some distance to come to terms with it… and doing other things to get yourself in a peaceful state of mind for when you DO deal with it can only help.

I personally believe that grief tends to be personal - other people, no matter how well meaning, will inhibit your grieving process by their very presence. There are exceptions to this, when you have someone close enough that you can cry with/on them and release your pain that way… but for the most part, you need space to be alone/away from everything to finally face your grief without having to also deal with inhibitions of being emotional in front of others.

So distract yourself with silliness, cuteness, happy things and things to occupy your mind. Let that be the buffer against the initial shock, and give you some time to let things fade so it is not fresh. Then look for places you can be alone - quiet walks, rooms to yourself, sitting in a car, lying in bed at night - and think your grief through as calmly as you can. When it hurts, let it out and let no one judge you for it. If needed, repeat the process of distraction, distance and facing your grief until it gets easier… and if it never gets easier, there is no shame in asking for help.

My thoughts only, your experience may vary… but best wishes and hope this helps.